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Dear Bobby Boy, 

Lucky for you, our Senior Former-Presidential-Visit Correspondent Ronald Carter ‘08 was on hand to record his minute-by-minute, stream-of-consciousness impressions on our recently acquired blog, http://fishblowersinc.blogspot.com/ (trust us, you don’t want to know what used to be on that website). Here are his impressions.

11:04 am - Waiting in line outside Gosman with my laptop. Some creepy looking guys are handing out some sort of newspaper, apparently all about dick jokes...oh, that’s The Blowfish. 
11:37 am - Got past security... they didn’t seem to notice my laptop, but took away one of my two granola bars. I guess when they say you’re only allowed one granola bar, they really mean it.
12:45 pm - Listened to the same music on loop for an hour while reading the single book (Lolita) permitted to me by the Secret Service. Apparently, two books combined are, together, considered a deadly weapon, and I certainly don’t want to get tased by security. Again.
1:13 pm - Blowfish editor Samuel Q. Roos attempts to start a wave.
1:14 pm - Blowfish editor Samuel Q. Roos’s attempt to start a wave fails.
1:18 pm - Omniscient disembodied announcer voice announces that the program will begin in twenty minutes.
1:38 pm - Program does not begin.
1:42 pm - Granola rations are low, and Clinton is nowhere in sight. If I don’t make it out alive, tell my mother I love her.
2:04 pm - Woah, steel drums playing the national anthem. It’s like Francis Scott Key and Bob Marley had 20 children and forced them all to play the same instrument.
2:13 pm - Who’s Eli Segal again? Oh, that guy...
2:15 pm - Americorps volunteers help Brandeis students complete their [pe] requirement with group jumping jacks.
2:24 pm - The President is coming out! Oh, it’s just Jehuda...talk about blueballs.
2:29 pm - Jehuda’s still talking... will he ever stop? Why did I... HOLY CRAP, IT’S HIM! BILL, I LOVE YOU! WOOO!
3:15 pm - Oh shit... I was supposed to be taking notes.
3:17 pm - Clinton’s mic seems to be broken...his solution, apparently, is to endow an engineering school that, in a few short years, could train graduates to fix the problem. Man, I haven’t seen a public rip that bad since that time I wore really tight shorts in gym class in 3rd grade and I had to pick up something and... you know what, lets move on.
3:24 pm - Jehuda just offered him a job as President of Brandeis University! Though I know another type of job he’d like to be offered...
3:38 pm - His work done at Brandeis, Clinton waves goodbye, steps outside, opens his magical umbrella, and flies away. I’ll miss you, Bill. I’ll miss you.http://fishblowersinc.blogspot.comhttp://fishblowersinc.blogspot.comshapeimage_4_link_0shapeimage_4_link_1




BY JOHN Q. PUBIC

American