That Thing You Do
It seems that Zeus was
preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want
to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry,
and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon
it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of
the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be
alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.
Now, three of the invited
goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed
it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started
fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and
Finally Zeus calmed things
down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was
a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd
of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of
gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses
tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to
Athena offered him Heroic
War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered
him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan
lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple
and he got screwed.
As she had promised,
she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen
(the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta.
Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta
demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be
The First War among men.
And so we suffer because
of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot
Do you believe that?
* This is called THE
DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple
was of metallic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know
the Law of Fives.
Go back to the Whats
or go on to the Links
No seriously, you ask,
what the fuck is it? Well, we've said all we want to say. But she
says something else.
Oh, also, some of us
like to think we're HyperDiscordian.
Some of us are just hyper.