Coach:
Ted Munter
of DoG

 


Seth Cohen - Co-Captain
Nicknames: Crimedog, Sunshine
Position: Sidekick
Favorite Movie: Big
Why DoG Didn’t take him: Incontinence
Solomon Graf
Nickname: Uncle Meat
Titles Held: Arm-Wrestling Runner-Up
Vertical: -1’
# of People on the Team who Like Him: 1
Spent the Summer: In the rainforest as an ambassador of imperialism and beating up the handicapped
Alex Vasquez
Nicknames: Hot Rod, Latino Heat, Margie’s Bitch
Is He Right: Absolutely.
Favorite Household Chores: Dusting, folding towels.
Last heard Saying: “I guess I Do...”
Dan Victor
Height; 5’11”
Position: Team RA
Talks to Strangers: Yes; and then sleeps at their house.
Ezra Golberstein - Co-Captain
Nicknames: Fidel, El Presidente
Body Type: Sleazy and Demure
Most Entertaining Food to Watch Him Eat: Peanuts
Number of Opinions: Zero.
Why He Doesn’t Like You: Don’t Worry. He doesn’t like most people.
Ari Rabin-Haft
Nickname: BBQ
Position: Ro-Shammer and Shotgunner
Favorite Quote: “Wheeee!”
# of Piercings: Just One.
0-60: After the Game
Jake Millette
Nickname: Turbo
Favorite Pet: Ron Jeremy
Off Day for Drinking:
Tuesday (Dawson’s Creek)
Charitable to: Blind, Handicapped, Solomon.
Paul Queior
Known for: Being Everything you want
Also Known for: Being Everything you need
He is: Everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says: All the right things at exactly the right time
He means: Nothing to you
What you don’t know: Why.
Aaron Toys
Nicknames: Ragin’ Cajun, Bayou Beast
Favorite Dialect: Jumbalaya
Known for: Being Late on Second days of Tourneys
Kevin Leete
Height: 5’9”
Endorsed By: Nike
Risk for Becoming an Alcoholic: High
Reason for Having such a Tremendously Large Stereo: Isn’t it Obvious?
Jacob Holzberg-Pill
Nickname: Mr. Roboto
Content of Titanium in his Body: Suprisingly High
Quote: “Assimilate.”
Achilles Heel: Seth’s Head
Mark Schaub
Nicknames: Dirk Diggler, Dr. of Love
Favorite Men in Uniform: Firefighters
Vertical: 12”
Aspiration: To have a stuffed pig named after him.
Jesse Grittner
Nicknames: Mini-Me, Master of our Domain
Height off the field: 6’4”
Height on the Field: Steve
Favorite Mythical Creatures: Gnomes
Marty Newman
Instrument of Choice: The Fat Bass.
Favorite Drink: Whiskey Sour
Number of Silent R’s in his Name: 2
Density: 3.8
Mike Smith
Nicknames: Smitty, Man of Mystery
Why his Mother doesn’t Like Him: His incredibly Foul Mouth
Honorary Residence: The Embassy
 
Beavis Medow
Nickname: Steve, Miss Thang
Height: 5’5”
Frat: AEPi
Butthead Lantsman
Nicknames: David, Big Dave, White Russian
Height: 2 Steves
IQ: 2 Steves
Tom Gage
Vertical: 1 Steve
Residence: Waltham
Mother: Waltham Momma
Shape of Head: Conical
Mike Horowitz
Nickname: Mikey Ho
Position on the field: the bubble
Reason for coming to Brandeis: Sol
Favorite Men in Uniform: Sailors
Dan Fogelman
Nickname: Downtown
Height: 5’8”
Biggest Concern: The Sun
Most Confusing Article of Clothing he owns: Sweatpants
Dan Braunfeld
Nickname: Phenom
Height: 5’11”
Source of his Knee Problems: Judaism
Adam Sheps
Nickname: The Man
Childhood Hero: Jake the Snake
Position: Allocator
Risk of Knee Problems: High.
Noah Browne
Nickname: New Guy
Height: 5’6”
Weight: 140 lbs.
Inebriated: Yes.
Max Anderson-Portnoy
Known for: Bionic Nipples
Last seen: Trollin’ for Booty
Latest Household Project: Constructing an elaborate peephole system.