Cohen - Co-Captain
Nicknames: Crimedog, Sunshine
Favorite Movie: Big
Why DoG Didn’t take him: Incontinence
Nickname: Uncle Meat
Titles Held: Arm-Wrestling Runner-Up
# of People on the Team who Like Him: 1
Spent the Summer: In the rainforest as an ambassador of imperialism and beating up the handicapped
Nicknames: Hot Rod, Latino Heat, Margie’s Bitch
Is He Right: Absolutely.
Favorite Household Chores: Dusting, folding towels.
Last heard Saying: “I guess I Do...”
Position: Team RA
Talks to Strangers: Yes; and then sleeps at their house.
|Ezra Golberstein - Co-Captain
Nicknames: Fidel, El Presidente
Body Type: Sleazy and Demure
Most Entertaining Food to Watch Him Eat: Peanuts
Number of Opinions: Zero.
Why He Doesn’t Like You: Don’t Worry. He doesn’t like most people.
Position: Ro-Shammer and Shotgunner
Favorite Quote: “Wheeee!”
# of Piercings: Just One.
0-60: After the Game
Favorite Pet: Ron Jeremy
Off Day for Drinking:
Tuesday (Dawson’s Creek)
Charitable to: Blind, Handicapped, Solomon.
Known for: Being Everything you want
Also Known for: Being Everything you need
He is: Everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says: All the right things at exactly the right time
He means: Nothing to you
What you don’t know: Why.
Nicknames: Ragin’ Cajun, Bayou Beast
Favorite Dialect: Jumbalaya
Known for: Being Late on Second days of Tourneys
Endorsed By: Nike
Risk for Becoming an Alcoholic: High
Reason for Having such a Tremendously Large Stereo: Isn’t it Obvious?
Nickname: Mr. Roboto
Content of Titanium in his Body: Suprisingly High
Achilles Heel: Seth’s Head
Nicknames: Dirk Diggler, Dr. of Love
Favorite Men in Uniform: Firefighters
Aspiration: To have a stuffed pig named after him.
Nicknames: Mini-Me, Master of our Domain
Height off the field: 6’4”
Height on the Field: Steve
Favorite Mythical Creatures: Gnomes
Instrument of Choice: The Fat Bass.
Favorite Drink: Whiskey Sour
Number of Silent R’s in his Name: 2
Nicknames: Smitty, Man of Mystery
Why his Mother doesn’t Like Him: His incredibly Foul Mouth
Honorary Residence: The Embassy
Nickname: Steve, Miss Thang
Nicknames: David, Big Dave, White Russian
Height: 2 Steves
IQ: 2 Steves
Vertical: 1 Steve
Mother: Waltham Momma
Shape of Head: Conical
Nickname: Mikey Ho
Position on the field: the bubble
Reason for coming to Brandeis: Sol
Favorite Men in Uniform: Sailors
Biggest Concern: The Sun
Most Confusing Article of Clothing he owns: Sweatpants
Source of his Knee Problems: Judaism
Nickname: The Man
Childhood Hero: Jake the Snake
Risk of Knee Problems: High.
Nickname: New Guy
Weight: 140 lbs.
Known for: Bionic Nipples
Last seen: Trollin’ for Booty
Latest Household Project: Constructing an elaborate peephole system.